SCYTHE-MAN!
by InsanityIncheck
Summary: From lack of sleep and retarded ideas, comes the amazing adventures of the masked hero Scythe-Man, a man with a...scythe for an arm! Follow as he stops the forces of evil! Riddled with movie clichés and retarded writing. I don t own Soul Eater, it belongs to it s rightful owners. Review if you want it continued.


"HAHAHAHA!" the bald mastermind laughed maniacally as he stood on top of the Empire State Building. He wore a very dark tuxedo and his cape blew in the midnight breeze. In his hands, he held a detonator. A detonator that could cause havoc for the entire world.

"Stop right there!" yelled a voice from behind him. He turned around to find his arch-nemesis (and hero of this parody) standing at the door to the rooftop.

The hero stood, well, heroically, in place, his black and red trench coat, white hair, black mask and scythe arm in all its glory.

"Stop right there, Dr. Ox Ford! I'm here to bring down JUSTIIIIICE!1!1" he yelled out triumphantly.

"Well, if it isn't Scythe-Man himself! What an honor to have you here. Now I can destroy the world AND my nemesis!" he gloated villainously to him. He turned back around to stare at the lively city below.

"What are you planning to do with that missile you managed to somehow steal from a high-security facility?!" he asked the mad man in front of him.

"Well, since you asked, I'm going to tell you my ENTIRE PLAN and my reasoning for doing it," he threw his hands up and the air, and began to recite some boring bullshit about his totally stereotypical tragic past and how his hair was burned off in some random chemical factory he was forced to work in at age 7, and how no one was willing to help him, YATA YATA YATA, TRAGIC BACKSTORY NO ONE CARES ABOUT.

"And so," he began to conclude, "because no one helped me and my bald, mocked me for it, scold me for it, all the sorts, I PLAN TO LAUNCH THE MISSLE AND SPREAD MY TOTALLY SCIENTIFICALLY EXPLAINED CHEMICAL THAT WILL MAKE EVERYONE BALD LIKE ME!" he blurted out his evil plan to his enemy.

"Oh my God!" Scythe-Man said to himself out loud, "If you launch that, you'll even get my awesome white hair!"

The mad doctor nodded frantically with a sickening laugh.

"SO, you do realize what is at stake?!" he snickered. He looked upon the world as he gripped his detonator harder in front of Scythe-Man.

Police began to randomly show up at the scene at the base of the tower. One of the cop cars opened, and out stepped Detective Kid in his expensive suit. He aimed his pistol upwards at the now visible enemy on top of the tower.

"There's our mark, men," he barked into his megaphone, "Now, I want this maniac taken alive an-!"

"YAHOOO!" yelled someone else from the car and out hopped Kid's racist, violent, blabbermouth, idiotic, doesn't play by the rules police partner, Black Star, onto the roof if his car. In a tux.

"Yo Kid! Who the fuck is this bozo!? Why can't we freakin' kill him now!?" he yelled to his partner, pulling a shotgun from out of nowhere.

"NO YOU IDIOT!" Kid yelled at his stupid partner, trying to be the voice of reason, but with no avail, "We need that guy alive!

"What for!?"

"Whaa?!"

"Why do we?"

"What do you mean, we just do!"

"Didn't he, like, throw the city into complete chaos?" Black Star pointed to all the cars crashing into each other and the scared out of their wits citizens," Shouldn't we just kill him, man!?"

"I, uh, well," Kid fumbled with his words, "he…..WAIT, WE SHOULD JUST FUCKING KILL HIM!"

"That's what I was trying to say! Even I act stupid like you tell me I do, I'm still smarter than you!"

"No, you're not!

"Yes, I am!"

"UH, YOU're IMPOSSIBLE!"

"FUCK YOU MAN!"

"WHY YOU-!"

The two cops began to strangle each other, even in this current situation, and fell to the ground to resume the fight.

At some undisclosed office.

"Uh, we are partnered with idiots," said Liz to her partner Tsubaki, both from intelligence department and tactical aid for the operation, both obviously wearing secretary attire. They watched as their boyfriends began to beat up each other as the bald man yelled from above and none of the cops decided that they should just take the shot.

"Yeah, I guess," Tsubaki confessed as she watched helplessly at the ridiculous situation unfold.

"Hey guys, I managed to fit the coffee machine into the printing machine!" Patty yelled from somewhere in the office, everyone yelling at her to unplug the machine as it continued to malfunction.

"Geez, things did get worse," Liz sighed to herself.

Back at the situation downtown.

"Sir!" Kid and Black Star said to their superior as medics tended to their open wounds.

Kid began, "Sir, shouldn't we engage the enemy before he does anything re-?"

"SHUT UP KID, I'M SAD OVER MY LOST DAUGHTER!" Captain Spirit sobbed as he hugged his daughter's picture to his face, looking like pathetic garbage.

At the Presidential House.

"Mr. President," advisor Justin asked Death the President, "shouldn't we do something?"

Death watched the scene unfold.

….

"Nah, I don't think so. I don't really do anything will a city crisis is present ever, do I?"

"Of course sir," he said as they continued to drink tea.

Back at the top of the tower.

"So, Scythe-Man," the doctor laughed, "you can try to stop me right here and now, but….LOOK!"

He pointed over the ledge, and the bladed-armed hero ran to said ledge to find his masked face on all the city's big screens, each one of a question mark on his face. A timer was ticking down.

"You see, I have you on the lines. With all those screen I managed to somehow hack, everyone can see. Once that timer runs out, your face, your true identity will be REVEALED! SOUL!" he chuckled madly.

"What!?" Soul staggered on the spot, "How did you find out my identity!?"

"I just did!" Ox yelled back at him.

Soul stood there.

"Your identity, the one you took on because for some retarded reason, will be exposed. You can stop it though, of course, but there's also…!" he trailed off.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!1!" Someone screamed from over the ledge again.

Soul looked over.

And his hearted stopped for a second.

"MAKA!" he yelled woefully as she was dangling over the edge, tied up.

"Hahaha," the doctor said, "Now you can see where this is headed."

Soul gripped the bars harder.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" he cried while pointing his arm at Ox.

"Which will it be, HERO?" he laughed again, "The world, your identity, or your obvious love-interest?!"


End file.
